Life Advice
by Just A Random Pencil
Summary: Luigi gets a piece of life advice from an unexpected source.


So this takes place in Super Mario Galaxy 2, when you can play as Luigi. I noticed that during the final Boss battle, Bowser's dialogue stayed the same, not really acknowledging Luigi. So I came up with this little skit to kinda fix that.

* * *

Over the years, Luigi never really had a shining moment. But not this time. There was no way anyone would brush him off when he saved the entire galaxy and the princess. The plumber could already see it. Toads screaming his name, confetti, jet planes spelling out 'You're our hero, Luigi'. The best part was Mario, standing with him at the front of the palace, patting him on the back proudly (without stepping on his shoe like that time in the tennis tournament).

As he got closer to the castle turned throne, Luigi surprisingly didn't feel all that scared. He had a full 6-life and plenty of spare 1-ups if things got ugly. He sucked in a sharp breath and stopped, taking in the moment. One step forward to the final boss battle. Baby Luma quivered inside his hat.

He smiled. "It'll be okay-a." Better than okay, much better. One step forward to free the princess. One step forward to saving the galaxy. One glorious step that would finally earn him some respect.

With a content sigh, he took the step. Only to fall back on his butt with a yelp as a giant Bowser popped out of nowhere and plopped down on his massive throne.

"BWAHAHA!" His roar thundered throughout, and he could barely hear what else the Koopa King said through the sharp ringing in his ears. "It all ends here Mario-wait why are you wearing green? And did you lose weight?" Bowser leaned in closer, blood red eyes squinting.

Luigi rubbed his sore ears, briefly thinking he was probably going to end up half deaf when he got out of this one. Small price to pay for being the greatest hero in history. "Um, no. I'm not, I'm not Mario…"

Bowser snapped his claws and bellowed, "Oh yeah! I know who you are!"

As he got back on his feet, Luigi couldn't help but perk up at finally having someone that recognized him, even if it came from the Mushroom Kingdom's number #1 enemy.

"You're Mario's _intern_ , uh…" He scratched the side of his head. "Lana, Leslie, LOUIS! That's it."

"His _brother_ , actually." The plumber corrected, deflating. "And my-my name is Luigi."

Bowser carelessly shrugged. "Eh, close enough. Anyways, perfect timing, I could really use some feedback on my evil speech while Mario gets here."

Bowser pulled out giant notecards from who-knows-where and shuffled them to find the first one.

"It's pretty much done," he said. "I have a beginning, middle, and end, but I think it needs a little pizzazz, don't you? Ok, listen…"

This was not how things were supposed to go.

"Hey!" Luigi interrupted. "I didn't come all this way to give _feedback_. I'm here to rescue the Princess from your evil clutches and stop you from taking over the galaxy!"

Bowser threw his head back in laughter. It sounded pretty horrifying coming from him _._ "Don't get your mustache in a twist, Mario can handle it. Ok, so I start with an evil laugh like I did now and then-"

"Mario's not coming!" He flinched at how loud that one came out. Bowser stared at him, making him break out in a sweat. Maybe if he hightailed it out of here he'd have a chance to avoid being incinerated- Oh, who was he kidding? He was dead, dead, very much dead. You ever heard of the person who yelled at the Koopa King's face and lived? Yeah he hadn't either.

Except Bowser seemed too shocked to be outraged. He just blinked. "Why not? Did he get sick or something? Was one of the obstacles too hard? Because I can tone it down for the next level."

"No, he's fine." Luigi responded, before pausing, left eye twitching. "What does it matter to you anyways? It's just you and me now, Bowser, and I'm here to rescue the princess from your-"

"Yeah, yeah, evil clutches. I heard you the first time. So, listen, Lizzie-"

"Luigi!"

Bowser continued, as if he didn't hear the correction or opted to ignore it. Luigi bet his gold coins it was the later. "You can't just barge in some lair and start punching the first tyrannical galactic overlord you find, ok?"

For the second time that day, Luigi found himself with no idea what was going on. "Huh? Wait, what are you talking about? That's the whole point! That's the objective – it's in the instructions."

"You heard me! You need history, a good conflict of interests, and a shared hatred towards each other."

He needed to sit down. All this information was making him dizzy. Though the little stars swirling around his head could be to blame for as well. Unfortunately, there were no plumber-sized chairs lying around. With no other option, he sat down on the cold stone floor. "Wow, you and Mario sure make it look easy."

Bowser sat up straighter with a smug smirk. "I know right, but you should have seen us back in our first game. We had to start with zero connection and graphics from the 80s. I didn't even have a _monologue_ prepared and the only reason he beat me was to rescue Princess Peach, not because of a personal hatred towards me."

Luigi frowned and couldn't help but point out. "But, Mario still beats you to rescue Princess Peach."

Bowser nodded. "True, except now he also hates me. Alright, where was I? Oh yeah. So after that, Mario and I have really got better at the whole being enemies. We've got a great thing going. I come up with a scheme, I kidnap Princess Peach, Mario shows up, we have a boss battle, he wins, but as I get away I vow to come back and then I do. I'm a Koopa of my word."

Luigi rubbed the back of his neck. "Wow…I-I had no idea." He sighed. "I'll never get my own enemy."

"Hey, don't say that. You're good at being…well a good guy. Somewhere out there in the galaxy is a bad guy waiting for a hero to ruin his plans."

Luigi sniffled. "Y-you think so?"

"Of course I do. You'll have to put a lot of work and commitment to make your enemy-ship work. The key…" Bowser beckoned Luigi closer, lowering his voice, as if he was going to tell him the secret answer to the universe. "…is to disagree and fight over everything."

Luigi's eyes widened in awe.

"That's it? That's really the secret? Well, that doesn't seem so hard."

Bowser put his claws up in a halting motion. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! It's not as easy as it looks! Like I said, it takes a lot of hard work and determination."

Luigi nodded, thinking it over. It actually made sense, in a strange, contradictory way. "Okay…okay. I'll try, thanks for the advice."

"Sure, what's your brother's enemy for? Speaking of which, in the chance that Mario does show up, catch up on these and tell me what you think."

The green plumber barely had time to look up before he was buried under a pile of huge notecards. "Hey!" He squawked.

"Ha! Ha! I'm still evil!" Bowser cackled.

As he struggled to lift a notecard that was outrageously heavy for being paper, he nervously chuckled. "Yeah…I don't think Mario's coming any time soon…"

"What was that?"

"Nothing!"

 _Meanwhile on Starship Mario..._

"What do you mean you can't open it? The fate of the universe is on my cartoonishly tiny shoulders!"

All the lumas on board were crowded in front of the door where the brothers could opt to switch places.

"I'm sorry Mario, but unless Luigi - _who we still haven't found yet,_ " The co-captain mumbled under his breath from the other side of the door. "…switches with you,

that door's staying shut. That's the programming."

A sigh was heard from the inside, followed by a thud as Mario banged his head against the door in desperation. "Stupid, gaming mechanics."


End file.
